i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
