I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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