We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
