I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
