I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
