my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
