You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The uberlube is also flammable
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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