I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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