who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
