Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
