i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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