I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
