My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
