I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
