I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
