Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
