Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
