I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
