obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
