If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
