i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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