He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
