I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So many bounce houses so little time
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
