when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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