What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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