I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
