Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
