The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
