god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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