I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
