At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
