woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
