You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm both gender and math confused
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
