Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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