I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
