Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A+ Viking dick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
