he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
