Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
