she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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