I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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