Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
