I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
are you so shy because you have an std?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
