She's JV to your varsity
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My vagina is very pro this idea
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
