I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
