i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
