She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
