The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
