a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
