I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
