4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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