someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
