Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
