My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
