he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
