It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's never too late to be topless.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
