Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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