Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
