the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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