I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
