wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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