I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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