Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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