took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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