Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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