I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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