I'm so fucking centered right now
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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