Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
