If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize