he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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