she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
