# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
