god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
