32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
