i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
